Amerigandaopia

Today on my personal blog (www.stefnemiller.blogspot.com) I wrote about watching my biological children wake up in the morning when they were babies. As I wrote the blog I got  the usual pang in my chest that I get when I realize that I have never nor will I ever know(n) what Yohannes, Karim and Phiona looked like as babies. To be honest, that knowledge grieves me.

I can only imagine that they had cute “makes me want to pinch ‘em” cheeks and pudgy little fingers and toes. I used to run my cheek over Jacob and Caleb’s sweet little lips when they were infants – it was something about the way they naturally pursed and their sweet softness that I couldn’t resist. I would imagine that my new children had the same dainty lips.

But, as I described in my other blog this morning, it was those moments early in the morning that I watched them wake up and greet the world that I loved the most. It was the moment when their eyes met mine and they grinned from ear to ear that my heart  would literally leap.  I can’t help but wish I could have seen Yo, Karim and Phiona as babies, waking up, making eye contact with me and giving me a grin that said – “You’re exactly what I wanted to see.”

If only. . .

Well, do you know how good God is? Yohannes’ tenth birthday was Thursday. I couldn’t wait to wake him up and sing “Happy Birthday”. I snuck in and turned on the lights, climbed onto to Jacob’s bed so that I could reach Yohannes on the top bunk and gently shook his shoulder while I whispered, “Wake up birthday boy.”

Do you know what he did? He woke up in a groggy haze, looked around the room in a scowl and then. . . as soon as  his eyes saw me, he gave one the largest grins that I’ve ever seen him give. It was one of the most precious moments that I’ve had since his arrival and it will be a memory that I will never forget.

Thank you God for that precious gift. Thank you for realizing that my heart grieved for something that I thought that I would never have the joy of experiencing and making it happen.