I’ve tossed around blogging about this topic for a while now. It’s controversial and I don’t want to upset people, but, here I am doing it anyway. Some events over the last week have thrown me over the edge and I can’t remain silent any longer.
All over the blogs, friends have been discussing the rude comments people will make to them about being white and having a child that is obviously from a different race. Time and time again the accusation is that people who have adopted a child internationally are jumping on some trendy bandwagon in an effort to be “cool”. I am constantly amazed at how complete strangers feel they have the right to comment on something that they obviously know nothing about. What’s worse is when you get it from friends and family – although they usually try to hide it in some form of joke so that we don’t figure out the accusation.
One person made the accusation towards me and I gave a polite smile but inside was thinking: “You’re the one who drives a Lexus SUV and wears only Abercrombie and Fitch and you think I’m wanting to be trendy?” (Yes I realize that my thoughts were just as judgemental as theirs, but sadly, it felt somewhat justified at the time).
So, I figured I’d lay it all out there – get it all off my chest once and for all.
If even innocently your mind goes to the place of wondering if people adopt internationally for the “glory”, ponder the following:
If in fact someone made the decision to adopt because they wanted to be cool, I can guarantee you that they wouldn’t make it beyond preparing for their home study and getting their dossier information together. Just that process alone would weed out people who weren’t in it for the right reasons. It is a long and tedious process and you must lay your life out like an open book. It took me weeks just to get all the necessary information put together before I could even apply to the adoption agency . . . and preparing for the home study? Forget about it!
Have you ever talked to people who have adopted internationally? No, I don’t mean have a nice little conversation, I mean really talk to them. Ask them questions? Find out what process has been like for them? If not, let me point you to www.redletterscampaign.com so you can take a gander at some of the blogs that are on the site. You shouldn’t have a problem finding one that would interest you – there are hundreds. Every international country that allows adoption is represented by at least one family blog. Read through some of them and then come back and tell me if you think any of those people adopted because it was the cool thing to do. Read about the heartache in waiting for their children to come home. Visualize their excitement as you read the announcement that they finally received a referral (a child selected for them) after waiting for over a year. Contemplate how difficult of a transition it is for everyone involved once the child finally walks into their new families arms. Read all those stories and then see if you still feel the same way about people who adopt outside the country.
If money is your the language you speak, well know this – adoption isn’t cheap. If people merely wanted to be cool they could have more than likely purchased a luxury vehicle for less than what it cost them to give an orphan child a home. Those who have adopted more than one child otherwise might have been able to purchase a small home. Very few of us have the monetary capacity that someone like Brad, Angelina and Madonna do. But we adopt because we desperately want to give a child a home, and the financial aspect doesn’t really register. I know for my family, although covering the cost was a concern, it was never a hindrance. When you feel led to do something, you do what you’ve got to do. I doubt someone only wanting to be cool would be willing to part with the cash – they could find much cheaper ways to draw attention to themselves.
“Brangelina” and Madonna have done a wonderful thing by opening the world’s eyes to international adoption. They have shown that adoption is possible, that there is a need for homes for children all over the world and that the children can flourish in their new lives. Rest assured, I didn’t adopt so that I could be like them, but I am delighted that we share a common belief – that every child, no matter what color their skin or country they come from, has the right to have a mother or father or both, who love them.
